dunno why lah. i really feel emo once again. my life is yet again so empty. lifeless. i'm sick and tired of it. i dont like the life i;m having now.

today when alec talked about his problems, i wanted to cry and rly just break down. but i dont know. probably its because time has passed, and i've forgotten some parts of it. but still. the most painful memories still lay deep, embedded firmly yet in my heart. the wound has healed, but the scar holds the memory of all that has happened.

i know what and how your are alec. it happened to me. thats why when u said it, i suddenly felt a chill down my spine and i jolted. you dont wanna hurt her, but you still want her by your side. and she dont know and dont really care. fuck, it hurts.

argh. and its the night yet again. alone. even in the day lah. i do have friends around me now, but deep down inside, i'm still silently alone. i'm still in shatters. sigh.

i wanna cry wanna cry wanna cry.

i'm not shaun, ever again. and i will never be. cos i know it. i've changed. after that very incident. for the rest of my life. it will never, ever be the same. ever.