to the people i love, i love you.


i dont know this feeling. its weird. argh.

stayed at home the entire day after i woke up at 2pm. naruto-ed finish the entire season 1, then ate stuff, blah blah, and went off to lalaland once again at 6pm. till 12pm. and now, i'm wide awake. sigh.

sometimes i just hate songs. they really pull at your emotions. they can really bring back memories far better than anything else can. it seems as if, you've returned back to the certain time, where the memory was special. you're reliving it again, a 2nd time. but this time, you're seeing how everything went. at the side, looking.

its e learning week, dumb. but i've to go back to sch for web publishing tmr. 10-3. sigh.

on tues, its wakeboarding at pasir ris.

econs and pr outing on wed. sigh.

and the tons of e learning stuffs to be completed.

i think the boring life's coming back. its times like these, that make me wonder, do i really prefer a busy schedule over a quiet and boring one? i always complain when i'm bored and alone, that i'd prefer the busier schedule, and i'd like it no matter how busy it was. but it will be times like such instances, that make me wonder, does that statement ever stand true even through the hard times?

argh.

i might like someone.
but i dont think it'll be a wise decision.

someone's missing out from my life recently.
but she seems to be occupied with other people.

i havent met some people for a long time.
and i think i miss them quite a bit.

i'm confused with my life again. confusion confusion.

i realised, without naruto, my life has returned to the stagnant form it once was, again.

seriously, thats how much a simple thing can affect me so much. argh.

you're missed, people. looking back at the times we had, argh, its something thats unjustifiable to let go. anyways, it cant just go. cant.


other guys will open the door for you. DMC guys walk through the door with you.
other guys will let you cut their queue. DMC guys will let you queue for them.
other guys will let you enter the lift first. DMC guys will enter the lift first, to hold the door for you.
other guys will talk to you in a nice and shy manner. DMC guys will treat you as a long lost friend.

now which do you prefer?

apparently girls usually see that being nice to girls and treating them to much royalty as the right guy, the better one. but they dont realise that, it just isnt. or maybe they are, but that isnt how i see it though. i'd rather treat a girl as a girl, a human, rather than be sooo soo nice to her, when its all nothing but a chore, a tiring process. all for what? to get into the girl's good books? nah. being frank is much better. at least she will like you for who you are, but not the show you're putting up just to impress. hm hm.

the above para is not for ugly girls to read. LOL. ugly or not, u decide ;DD

if you think ur ugly, confirm with me first ;D if i ASSURE you that you are, than you can click HERE.

thats why, DMC guys make wonderful friends, okay boyfriends, and lousy servants.

-------------------------------------------------------

there are 5 girls every guy will ever love in his life. anything or anyone else is bullshit.

1. - your mum. duh.
2. - your bff. best friend. bestie. bestest friend. whatever. that is if she is a she and not a he.
3. - your 1st girl. ooh, the excitement.
4. - your wife. sigh. your last. excitement ends here.
5. - the hottest, loveliest, cutest, sweetest, naughtiest babe you've got in between 3 and 5.

tada. and thats the summary of the love life of a 90 yr old fella.

off to dinner. tata.

(disclaimer: none of the above is true, everything is fictional. if you happen to find any relevance to your current life, then probably you're human. if you dont, then probably you should start finding your way back to mars. or you could date the textbook. its a good start, isn't it?)


and so. i went wake boarding today. i'm loving the sport alot. really. though like today, i felt it wasnt enough. wanted more but sigh. due to various reasons, it wasnt possible. hm. so yeah. but anyhows, it was fun nice. yay.

managed to do the first half of a surface 180 today. haha. switched my back foot to the front and suddenly i blur out, dunno what to do. LOL. so tada, caught water again. phhooooossshhh. tried like a few times but each time only managed to make the board parallel to the boat, cant turn 180 degrees. than some how(after being called a chicken for not daring to turn more. LOL) i quickly turned. haha. was so happy leh. but its only the 1st half of the trick. cos to complete the trick ur supposed to go back to ur main position. haha. but i managed to switch once only.

BUT ANYHOW!! WHOOOOO!!! I'M LOVIN' IT FOR THE 2ND TRY AT WAKEBOARDING!!! RARR!

geez. i think i'll get addicted =/

nvm. i learnt that the board costs 1k. haha. addiction killed.

after that, went to get a hair cut. okay lah. this hair cut was a relief compared to the previous horrible disaster.

hm. and to gerald and co., i actually wanted to call u all whether wna go out de. but thought u all after 1 whole day sure tired le. so didnt. wanted call u all go octoberfest one day. haha. and in the end, you all called me, but it was too late le. RAH.


I guess I gotta live my life from day to day
hoping maybe you'll come back
and though I tell myself not to be afraid
to move on but it seems I cant













maybe i should not be such a pain in the arse for myself. sigh. i shall try. to live life my way. shall not bother bout those who irritate me or i dislike. hm.

sugar doughnut bites is love. on such a night. haha. wonderfulous snack.

have been playing this flash maple game yuren gave me. lols. I FOUND THE CHEAT!! lols. yr, u can get from me. hhah. cheats own any game. and the game's gamers. rarr.

econs econs econs. llalaa. you know what i wanna say. so spare me from typing(:

coke and sprite's getting addictive. haha.


so, the result of the century. i missed riding for tennis. and i've only 4 letters, 1 word to describe it.

no, it ain't fuck. its SUAY.

okay lah. fuay(f-suay,fuckingsuay)

apparently due to our incredulous luck, we got one of the 2 best players as our opponents. haha. fantabulousness. gerald got like the best 2 or so in the entire SP. and mine wasnt bad either. at least 1 managed 2 sets. haha. dont laugh. although it was 6-1, there's ONE okay! anyways, after our match, i looked at the other court next to us and there was a player whose ball din even go anywhere towards the opponent. yea, probably it would if the opponent was either above or behind him. sigh. rotten luck anyhows.

and then i saw some people of whom some i know playing basketball. and all the sec sch times on the court came back. all the tricks, fakes, shots, hang times, blocks, and running around either a fatass or a tall idiot so much so he got confused and gave up, the craziest passes, lalalahhh. grh. i miss basketball. so how? which should i focus on? i dont want to be a jack of all trades, a master of none. sigh.

nvmmm. sch's still a bitch. i dunno why. i think the sch itself gives of the bitch aura. cant be helped. sigh.


its true, that your mouth is yours only and truely. its true we cant control it for you. but sometimes, talk less of such crap and stop being so self centred and attention monopolising would help others change their perspective of you. stop blaming others, cos the reason you gave just plain suck. think whether you did your part as well. its not what we lacked, its what you missed out. we gave all a chance, you missed it, too bad. you've only yourself to blame, not others. ridiculious excuses. plain rubbish. if you missed the train, dont blame the train for being on schedule, blame yourself for strolling. same, its not tat we din open up, but its that something went wrong somewhere. so i dont see it as our fault, should i? we offered the donation, you din take it. dont blame us when you go broke.

the above paragraph has no intended audience, though if you think you suit the intended audience to a tee, i'd gladly accept the honour of being the one to awaken you from your sleep.

life's such a bltch.

i'm tired. tired tired tired. school's boring, the class's divided cos everyone wants attention of their own and are unwilling to mix(note: everyone, not any particular clique, which unfortunately but expectedly occured. everyone. as in E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E), and the stupid tennis competition thingy is stiill bugging me. i really wanna juz go wakeboarding. i dont want tennis. but how. argh.

do you know why the class isnt able to mix? because no one is willing to give and take. simple as that. everyon thinks that they're too good for another person, and their clique surpasses another by a league. but is it true? nope. for example, if we were to have a class event, say, making one of those vids like TP's CMM did, it'd be impossible. there would be people saying they're not free, they dont feel like it, some feel its stupid, some are just plain lazy, so are overly enthu, and some dont know what the heck is going on. thats why we cant get things done together. if you're not free, are you saying you have something more important than class bonding? putting whatever hates and dislikes aside, class is supposed to last, for ours, 3yrs. so no matter how, you are using that time to mix with your friends, or to some, aquaintences, for 3yrs! isn't that something you should keep your time for? for those who dont feel like it, you have totally no right to say anything if the class or a majority of people abandon you. why? you asked for it. why dont you feel like it? too childish? too unserious? redundant? oh-its-so-not-in-the-textbook-leh? if it is so, that seriously, quit poly and mainly, get the fuck out of DMC. you know, you are like a pig in the diamond refining laboratory, a hairband in the frying pan. you totaly do not belong here. sorry, but just, fuck off for the sake of your health, and more imptly, ours, cos i dont quite give a damn about you. if you think its stupid, then all you have to do is to read those sentences before, since they pretty much cover you too. there's not textbook in DMC, it isnt diploma in Media and Textbook Communications, or diploma in Media and Communications from the Textbook. nah, pizz off. its DMC, lively, fun and full of shit. if textbooks are the way to go for you, have fun working at Popular, auties will love you for your enthusiasm in those compiled peices of paper for the dummies.

arh. i should just stop. before everyone brings a cannon and eyes fill with rays of hatred to me in school some day soon. bleah, i'm superman. just bring kryptonite.


tired. frustrated. pissed. drained. violatile. explosive. highly.


tennis competition - wed, 17oct. 3.30pm. sp.

wakeboarding - wed, 17oct. 3pm. pasir ris.

i'll be gg all e way to sp just for ONE match.

i'll have tons of fun riding the sea.

this is a bad econs lesson. i just can figure out which is the opportunity cost and which i should go.

if i go for tennis, i'm pissed, cos it made me miss my wake boarding. so no matter how, i'd win that match for sure cos i'm pissed off.

maybe, i should just quit the tennis match. cos i ultimately wont win the entire competition.

then again, wake boarding is weekly, isnt it.

freakin hell.


inspirational lesson learnt from episode 156- you dont need a reason to help others.

i'll try. hah.


我的心唱首歌给你听
Let my heart sing a song just for you

歌词是如此的甜蜜
The lyrics are blissful

可是我害羞我没有勇气对你说一句我爱你
But I am too shy to say the words ‘I love you’

为什么你还是不言不语
Why have you still not spoken

难道(是)你不懂我的心
No wonder you don’t understand my heart

不管你用什么方式表明
No matter what method you use to make it clear

我会对你说我愿意
I will say to you that I am willing

千言万语里
all the words that can be said

只有一句话能 表白我的心
Only one phrase can really represent what my heart wants to say

千言万语里
all the words that can be said

只有一句话就 能够让我们相偎相依
only this phrase is capable of letting us be together

我爱你 你是我的茱丽叶
I love you for you are my juliet

我愿意变成你的粱山伯
I am willing to change into your ‘liang shan bo’ (‘Chinese’ Romeo)

幸福的每一天浪漫的每一夜
Fortunate during the day and romantic during the night

把爱 永远 不放开 I Love You
Never let love go for I love you

我爱你 你是我的罗密欧
I love you for you are my romeo

我愿意变成你的祝英台
I am willing to change into your ‘zhu ying tai’ (‘Chinese’ Juliet)

幸福的每一天浪漫的每一夜
Fortunate during the day and romantic during the night

美丽的爱情祝福着 未来
the beautiful love that we share will bless our future

-------------------------------------------------------------------

its 3 more days before my life fell apart 1 yr ago. and i dont know why, but the memory of her seems awaken.


haven played maple for a long time. argh, the agony. its a double edged sword yet again. rarr.

was coming home from dinner when i listened to boston yet again on my mp3. i realised that this was one of those songs which made me remember why i should never fall in love or get entangled in some rubbish emotionally rollercoaster shits again. you know, some songs make you wanna ust be with someone. but its just, this song makes my mind pick solitude over the happiness love can bring. why? cos with happiness, pain is sure to come. and as i listen to the song, all i thought was, its all over, and it will never happen again. ever. and it made me smile. why so? its not that knowing being together with someone else would only result in pain. but rather, its because, i've found an answer. even if its a wrong answer, it currently is the correct one. my mind is set to ease, because, before it, i had no answer at all, be it right or wrong. and that, drains me more than having a wrong answer.

and i watched naruto. (ot, 121 now) and suddenly, out of randomness, i suddenly pictured her again. and this time, it was the same which happened on the train a few days ago. it wasnt the bad times. it was the good. your laughter, your smile. the look on your face, the way you walked. the times we were together. the good times. ever since it all ended, all i thought of was the horrible insanity you brought upon me. but then, after almost 350days, the first image of the pleasant history came back to me. you should have seen my shock. i was all confused, shocked, fearful and blissful at the same time. you gave me that comfort no one else is able to give. everything about you was unique and special. you werent the best, but you were special. suddenly, i felt like talking to you. i felt like going out with you. i wanted to hear you reply whatever i say. and look at every movement you make. its special, the way you are. suddenly, i can picture your face, and how you were like. i miss you. alot. i want you back, but yet, dont want you either. it you i yearn for, but its also you that makes me keep away from you. i dont know how. i want some one to just be there. i dont know really. even if there are people there, will i ever forget you? will i ever move on? will i ever, know what to do? i visited your blog. the fun youre having. what if i was still next to you? will all these happen? or will they become a totally different future? you wrote, the people who comforted you and were there for you, you wish you could give them the biggest hug you'd ever give. i wish i was there.

and then you said something. you cited an example of a lousy moronic idiot who fails to comfort. and it struck me. it was when you entered your 1st 3 months in mjc, when you couldn't find any friends whatsoever. you were so depressed. we were over alr, but you still cried to me ever night. and i brought you through every night. i was alone. i did not have you as my support, and yet, i was to support you. i was finding my way to stand strong alone, and yet, i had to stand by you too. i could just have ignored you, and probably, recovered and forgotten everything my now. but its because of the last 3 months after its all ended, that i dread you. to tell you the truth, i did sit awake for one entire night. it was the night i told you i'd be up the entire night waiting for you if anything happened. you were crying so hard and desperatedly, and i knew of no other way to be there for you than to literally be.i was next to my phone as if my phone was artificial heart. i told you, i'd be there for you, and if i cant bear whatever pain you were going through for you, i'd go through the pain with you. and i really did stay up but you din call. i used that time, and thought thoroughly. would this night be my last effort to be there for you, or will i knowingly commit a suicidal move that will make me go through more pain. obviously, the second would help you through better. and so i thought. deep and hard. unfortunately, the good memories came. and so, i cast myself in agony and was there for you, till you threw me away.

i think i still miss you. though i know its wrong. QXLFYMI606020


haha. wake boarding's fun. but i'm still like adapting to water sports since ive never ever played water sports before. so yea, still cant get the best fun out of it. but yep! i'm enjoying it no matter how.

its kinda straining on ur entire body, and when u land/fall into the water, at that split second ur like unconscious cos everything happens too fast and damn, THE SALT WATER IS BLOODY SALTY LAH.

other than that, riding and letting the wind breeze past, and going in and out of the wake is fun lah.esp the out part. hhahaha. wheee.

okies. there's school tmr. kinda obvious i feel like ponning, or i wouldnt have even mentioned sch here. blah. brrh.


how are some people such fucking arseholes, while others aren't? from today onwards, i'd be different. i've tried to be nice to others, and even to those i hate, i tried not to hae that much. or maybe, i just flare up less. but no. i realised. i've awoken. being nice isnt the way anymore. being nice will just result in people stabbing your arse without you knowing, fucking ur life upside down. from today on, i wont give a damn if you'd be hurt by what i say. not a damn.

its tiring you know. when such people invade your life. they fake such enthusiasm, and trying their very earnestly to potray some image that they deem satisfactory to fit in in today's society. but holy smokes. its a total different change when it comes to project work and stuffs. when we're going out, all one does is to heck caringly include himself into other's lives, presuming with much confidence and little respect for others that he, very well, will be well accepted and people never mind him within themselves. but hoho, thats where you're wrong. thats where you screw up. thats where you're fucking wrong. off the throne, into the dungeon. thats why i misread you.

but you see. i wld never have mind another person. but, when work comes, ah hah, along comes your alter ego. your split personality takes over, and you dissipitate into another character. the cartoon you are. work? nah. phone's ringing, but i ain't picking. sleeping early the night before an unstarted project due within 12hrs? that's nice. wonderfully fatabulous.

dont blame others when you fuckin din do anything. din contribute a shit. work is work. you blamed the others who pushed you before. with the benefit of the doubt from me, i ignored and succumbed. but hey, at least its all out before the start of yr2.

at least, that gives me the chance to add your name next to the hated, the scorned and the bitched. since, you pretty well fit in.

fuck.


its such a nice feeling seeing those people again. vans, hid, corne, russ, weijie, benny, farah, desiree, ruiqi and eden. loves.

thanks for the doughnuts, the collage of memories, the sweets and the choc chip cookies. haha. but what's more impt, is a great big thank you for the times, and memories.

you are ALL missed by a great fuck. argh.

Boston by augustana makes you cry. swear it.

and siglap? what a place. my happiest and my hardest times, all within a small place of less than a km radius. the tears which come, are red and clear, both pain and joy. memories, oh memories. they build you up, only to crush you flat, harder than you have ever felt, deeper than you were before you started. ouch.


im gonna kill u firdhaus. i cant sleep cos my eyes are now glued to naruto. and my heart as well. RARR. u die. LOL.

AHHHHHHH. START!!


life has been pretty much.. redundant these days? going to sch, doing nothing, yada yada.

its a dead life i'm living, all i want everyday is to reach home and see if my sis is doing ok with her exams and if she needs help for the following day's ppr. ah, my motivation in life.

why is my face so screwed?
why is my hair so fyucky?
why am i so short?
why am i born like that?

things on my buying list:
- topman simple plain tees/sleeveless
- a num racerback
- hair growth solution/pills, which i think will be at the bottom of my list.
- a new face. can buy ma?
- a 300 score for my sis? can? pweeez.
- prezzies for my sis amounting to almost a 100 bucks, cos my big mouth promised a lil too much.
-an anti-gloom/depression/sadness/emo pill.

argh. its sch tmr again. grrh. irritance. totally nt enjoying it. hate hate hate.

some people have to just move on in life and drop whatever they are carrying on. just, drop. forget it. totally. what ur doing is like smoking. as in literally, smoking. u noe, putting the stupid peice of shit stick into ur mouth and killing urself. yes, you are, in one way or another. ur killing urself, strangling. somethings are not meant to be, so dont. whats over is over. i never believe in reinstating the past status, if u get what i mean. get ur life back, with or without some anew. dnt drag on. you know ur waging a losing battle, and ur dying bcos of it. so stop it before you really fall into the hands of death. whats the fucking point. if u noe who i mean, hope i din get e stuffs wrong. if i did, sry. if not, pls. do some thing lahhh.

rarrh. whatever, please ignore the above. its bullshit.


i'm dying. no, i really am. and no, there is no scientific proof. and yes, its just my life-long wish.


dead.

thanks people, but sadly, life isnt any better.

guess looks doesnt quite matter, but anyhow, even if it doesnt, its still hard to to find. anyhow, who's talking bout finding that someone else? i just need a closseee friend. sigh.

current status: still finding or a close friend, etc, . desperately though.


its like. i'm even lonely on saturdays and sundays. how bad can that get. these 2 days are usually the most busy days of any week for anybody, but yet. for me. all i can think of is to be at home for these 2 days. doing nothing at all.

why?
my sec sch frens had their promos. they just ended though. and now, our school starts. great.
my sister is having her PSLE. and i want her to study. how the hell.
my poly people. they're life is so filled with activities that its just, impossible.

who else? no one.

and my sec school friends. when they meet up, all they ever do is to dinner, lan, pool. god damn, i do ALL of these everyday if i want to. and thats why i'm hesitant abt meeting them. cant we just do something for a change? is lan that fun? we meet up like once in a million years, only to face the computer? argh. i'd prefer we sit around and just chat about life. its so much better. siigh. blame it all on the singapore, wait no. blame it on the PAP's jc's education system. where students are brainwashed that the usage of computer is holy and exclusive. why? because studying doesnt happen on the computer for them.

my sister. she studies, but it doesnt seem as hard as me and my bro did. i really hope she'll get some decent results. really. ive been giving her rewards and stuff for all her work. jellybeans. chocs. cooking lunches. teaching her. i really hope she'll just make it well. sigh. after all, she's what i'm living for. without her, i'd hv fallen off my ledge months ago. all i want to do is to see her thru her studies. when she's all grown up and all, i think my time would be over. till then, sigh.

and my poly people. such fun we have when we're out tghtr. but when we arent around one another, life really begins to dull seriously. its not like when in sec sch, even when we're physically apart, we would still msg out of nothing and chat. now, we only msg to inform of outings and what nots. its different, and i dont think id get that kind of love from friends ever again.

and thats my life for you, one and all. i really wish to do something stupid. something that would ruin my life, something ive never done before. not ending it, but something, really drastic. something, that would injection life into the dead me. right now, i'll just go to sch, without learning anything new or useful, knowing not any more people that i already do, laughing not more that i already am, only feeling more sad than i currently am. why. why does it happen to me. W . H . Y . and then, i come home, sleep, and off to sch for tmr. its not called life anymore, its call routine. its called a system, a structure, a set peice.