what happens when you collect rainwater in a bucket? the first days of rain, you get to start with a few dreadful drops that seem to not even matter. slowly, bit by bit, from rain here and there, during all times of day and night, the volume grows. it fills up, slowly, and surely. and surely as well, it will reach the top in time to come. the big hole, the opening. drop, drop. the water level rises, trickling higher and higher, closer and closer to the top. then the water pops, over the surface of the bucket, but still, nothing happens yet. but guess what, that final raindrop comes. plop. what happens?

now change that water into anger, frustration and whatnots. and that bucket is my tolerance level.

i'm not the kind who blows up over all small things, not even some major things if the situation is well managed. its like, a heavy rain doesn't always cause the bucket to overflow. however, drop by drop. the last drop need not be a downpour, but it strikes the cross.

and yes, i'm somewhere there now. there's never another time you'll see me having avenged sevenfold and bullet for my valentine screamos on repeat like how it is now. if there's a way to use a stringe and inject that into my brain like heroine into my veins, i'd do it. for reality, blasting it out loud to kill everything around me does fine.

nevertheless, i'm not the hardest person to please. maybe a little tiring, but no. definitely not the hardest. try calling, and asking "are you okay". three words can save the day. but nope. i'm still waiting for the first time you'll ever do that. all i need is a sound and logical solution which i can cheat myself to believe. how bout trying with a little concern? the last thing to do when i'm feeling fucked up is to disappear, to end now, and continue later. for a very good example, saying goodnight. you know what? that's *editted*, and it shows how little you actually bother about the situation. if something bothers you, it's only natural to think of it a little more than the breakfast you had yesterday. or the guys you meet everyday. which fyi, is something i NEVER want to know. that's for your besties to know, not me. i'm not fucking interested in guys you met. back to point, if you can ignore it, it plain shows that you prolly dont give a fuck at all.

so if you dont give a fuck about me, say. and more than happily, i'll thank you for *editted*. and yes, all these arent really big problems/hates. but, it's the 331st ml in your regular coke can. that extra drop which tipped everything else.

dont ever say you like me, and not show it. it IS *editted*. in its utter, purest form.

reasons for editting : because i want to.


i think we have the same taste for music.

that's to someone who definitely doesnt know it's directed to him/her because, its just so random. secret, it shall be :D a needless secret. or rather, a meaningless secret. what are secrets meant for actually? to hide the truth? to keep a special something between people? or to create a certain emotion within our ownselves? and why are they so necessary? i mean, why cant we do without them? and sadistically, humans actually sometimes do enjoy secrets. knowing them, but not telling them (afterall, that's the defination of secrets, isn't it). evil, aren't we. hiding things from one another, like playing catching in the thick forest, hiding behind walls of tree trunks only to hope never to be caught in your face. and at the same time, we have this tinge of guilty pleasure, as every second long you stay in the game, that sense of achievement and superiority over the other fools who remain clueless, who are the people you love, grows exponentially and actually gives you a vile and sinister joy. how crude.

neh. aku not emo la. wandom onlwee.

sometimes, its not about the end result, but how satisfying the process is that matters the most. yes, i know you cant believe i'm speaking such angelic and wise words. sometimes, even when you know that the path you are taking, the future that's set for you if you continue strotting down this lane of doom, is leading you to the land of nothingness and grief, you still take it. why so? the answer is that the path apparently is nothing short of a blooming smile that warms one's heart every day. if you were to not go down that way, you would be oblivious to the heartiness there is. but as you take it step by step, and see the end sharpen from a blurred mirage to a clearer idea, it's not an oasis that you see. it's empty. but the feeling, even if fake, of having the water of life down this route makes one happy. joy that one will never see, if he never thought that there was an oasis.

sometimes, its just good to ignore whether there really is an oasis or not, and just rest upon the thought that there is, and live the moment of goodness, for that may be all to it, and that is the best it can get.


why do nice guys finish last.

love is something thats ever so complicated yet simple. a smile, or a twisted tale of x numbers of girls and guys entangled within a drama-tale. it might take a lot of effort to even light that first spark, or it could nuclearise the entire surroundings with just a simple twitch of the body, faster than you have even read this sentence. or then again, what is love? how do you know you actually have fallen for someone? how do you measure it? to what degree do you define it? for you, that warm hug sets it straight, but for some other humanoids with emotions, love might only be a decision after marriage.

oh my god. what am i ranting about. whee. cleared stuff off my chest today. felt kinda great, but at the same time regretful. which is precisely the exact reason why i have been procrestinating this feat. then again, it actually felt better than expected. oh, the pessimist within me. always portraying the very worse of situations as the one that's dead set to happen. whish bish. there's always the occasional blue moon, you know. life can actually be decent and live-able. sometimes.

decisions. i hate decisions to be honest. but life is all about decisions. as quoted from maritess, god gives us all decisions to make in life. they are all within our capabilities, you just have to chose which path you want to choose. the fact that it actually does stay in my brain for more than the tick of the clock means that i agrees with it much. makes sense, doesn't it? everything's yes or no, choose. that decision will lead on to another, and another, and so on. so, sidetracked, yes i hate making the obscenely ginormous counts of decisions daily. being whiney, i would put it as it's something i dont like, so why why why. but really. sometimes, it gets all to tiresome to keep up with all those mentally challenging situations where it's the importance of both or more choices weigh pretty equally. and then you have to carefully analyse, are there anymore factors?

whee. i really do think to much. it would be much simplier to just say yes or no, and see how it goes. accept the shit that life throws at you. or more, if for that matter.

just like little kids. skipping all 19 year old females whose maternal instincts have tremedously kicked in at an alarming rate that they are cute and whatsnot, the point here is more of their mentality. simple, and undivided. they dont weigh the pro's and con's, they dont consider the outcome, they dont care if their parents are glaring at them with a whip in hand, they simply see which toy box is more colourful. and so, maybe thats why their lives are the same too.


it's 9am. godly hour which i normally wont be awake at. 3hrs into my regular sleeping time. wonderfulness. i can forsee how hard it is gonna be to adjust back when school reopens.. again. hurhurhur.

anyways, i just did a little (re)search on something. pms, and how to cope with it/how to help. but it was more like, how to prevent a war. at least thats what 7 out of the 10 pointers ended with. be nice.. do not argue.. offer to do the dishes(?!).. and whats not, so you wont piss her off anymore and yada yada. it's like as if there's a holocaust every month or so. well, maybe there really is, inside and outside of them. oh well. which brings me to the point, why uh.

whai whai whai. why guys dont have this previledge? i mean, they blame it on the hormones and stuff. well, guys HAVE hormonal tsunamis too. in a very different sense of course. and tada, it's seen in a waayyy different light. uh, you get what i mean. yup. hormones, tsk tsk. the root of all evil and absolute destruction. bzzt.

anyways, back to topic before i sound like a MCP, more than i already am. BLEH. joking nehs, i'm such a nice guy, MCP my ass luh. *rolls eyes* i think, actually honestly, and secretly too, thats its pretty cool to help someone with their blasted hormonal fluctuations. i mean, yay. you made someone who's supposed to have a (not really)hidden agenda to destroy the world, peaceful and feeling better. amazing ain't it. its like the best gift you can give anyone, and yourself too, plus. its free :D kacheeng kacheeng. moolah saved! that, of course, excludes the times where she wants her Godivas, her Gucci Retail Therapy and her equally wallet-unfriendly needs. meh. thats why we spend our lives working for, no?

this sucks. i'm pretty sleep-able (able to sleep is what i mean, not.. anything else) now, but. hello the bright sun is calling out to me! how how how. damnit tired shit. whee.

anyway. now here are the stuff which sucks. (you knew it was coming didn't you. how can i ever have such a seemingly cheerful and lively post without stuffing you with daily doses of regret and angst)

i dont like people who arent spontaneous you know. sucks. no, its depressing. its suicidal. havent you heard that even that little penny goes a long way, or something along that line? that little act of kindness could bring happiness to someone for like, what. the next 10 years? happiness you know. you cant buy it with money, ever. some people wait a lifetime for it, and your mere slight effort which accumulates to even less than 5 seconds would cheer a dead soul awake and he be jumping for joy on his dusty tomb. spontanity(sp) is a miraculous wonder that surprises anyone, and you'll be surprised yourself how much you can make the world a better place.

next, okay idontknow. there's like millions of tiny cells of dislike within me, and if i were to list them all, i'll prolly finish a thesis for Harvard faster. shall stop whining like a man-bitch. to summarise, fuck life, as always.

i wonder, without sadness, there would be no happiness. you wouldn't know how happiness feels like if yu haven't been sad. however, would it just be better if we lived a life without sadness AND happiness? is the trade really worth it? really.


yahoo news just came in - World's most remote place. wonderful isn't it. In hustly Singapore, you pay so so much just to own a 30cm by 30cm tile of space. at there, the mountains, the openess. its like as if you can really do anything you want, and day and nights are just part and parcel of time. you dont count, tuesdays, wednesdays and all the schedule you have on fridays. its just, there. this is your life, this is your place. awesome.

but yesh, it might get boring after awhile. after a pretty short while judging from how restless and easily bored i am. but but. i dont know, for a change i guess? it seems wonderful. the grass is always greener on the other side. whee. nice grass. and plus point: you can have a gigantic pond to keep fishes, and your pet's playground is a mountain. amazing.

okay, i actually have no mood to blog at all. its just that my fingers are itching for some exercise, but not my brain. so it's still on shut down mood while my fingers get their workout. wheee.

i just got cheated in maplestory. makes me realise, like. even if its not face to face, on a bloodeh 2D game, i still get played in the mind. i gave in, no matter how i am normally suspicious of people. hm. but luckily, it wasnt really a scam. i mean, i lost 4m out of 72m. i guess thats pretty insignificant. AH. LET'S SMILE AND STOP DWELLING ON USELESS STUFF.

hohoho. it would be amazing to have a friend who lives near you, AND are those lepak anytime sort eh? amazing i swear. but things like these dont come easily *shakes head* GOOD KARMA IS NEEDED.

which brings me to the point of good karma, or bad. whichever. hahaha. i have this weird mental system which actually have some sort of a grading score for karma. no, not grading score. uh, like a tally table. yup. i unknowingly will think that for everytime you do some good stuff, you accumulate good karma, or bad ones. and then when you reach a certain quantity, tada! something wonderful will happen =]

weird, but ya. hahaha. tally table for karma. who knows.

DAMNIT MUM'S DOWN AGAIN. WHY DONT SHE SLEEP MORE GRR. bye all innocent fools cheating and getting cheated. by one another, by everything.


ITS WHINEY WEDNESDAY! HELLO AND A FINE MORNING TO ONE AND ALL :D

its such a bore. shirley called awhile back bout tonight's butter. 28 buckeroos you know, and ends at an early 3am. but, it's a cool experience. contemplating much nows.

AND THEN. here comes the attack of the pangseh-ers. as expected, as always. the attrition rate for clubbing nights out for big groups usually rank around 80%. its always the case. why do people cancel something last minute, on that very day? urgh. its always the steady few, regular people who dont pangseh. most do. why why why why whyyy. SUCKERS.

guilty, ay?

moving away from clubbing activities, group outings tend to experience the same thing. the bigger the initial group, the smaller the number present. whee. facts of life which no one wants to admit to.

guilty, again ay?


i'ma run off to catch bleach since, well, night's been cancelled. thanks all for your great helping in making everything go bad. thanks, world.


admit it, boys and girls are opposite. no, i'm not talking about, hey he has short hair while her's is long. or, he grows a beard while she grows boobies. hell no. boys and girls are EXTREMELY different.

so why did god create us so, huh? our perception of things are totally different, our thinking's different, our choices, priorities, options, lifestyles and the list flies on. how would it be like to walk a day in a girl's shoes? (not literally, of course. you can always try that out on your own in your little private corner.. or you can choose to do it just before clubbing at a darn packed MRT station) and would any girl know how it's like to make the decisions and choices guys do everyday?

our thought processes. our first thoughts that come to mind upon seeing something, or listening to something, differs like HELL (and earth). the way we think through stuff, the way we lay our plans out. yes, they may follow a certain track cos it's the only sane way, but. you get my feel. there's always those tiny tweaks here and there that differentiates me from you, guy from a girl.

then options. how many guys ever had tons of girls flocking you with redundant quirky absurd random 'hello-bye' texts everyday? *yes, start counting how long it's been since it last happened* well, do you know, that some girls receive such thrash everyday? it's amazing how this little seperation called gender divides and amplifies our un-sameness (i'm getting sick of using the word differences :x) *surrenders to limited vocab* well, since i'm the nice guy you always knew, :D :D :D i'll explain! if you already have an idea of how this cycle of life works, please pretend that i'm the first to make this wonderful discovery. credit me thx.

so. let's say, one bored guy texts a random girl something cos, well. he's bored. and and. he thinks he's the only one who's that bored to do so. STOP. realise this is Singapore? Land of Boredom and Boring? so tada! 10 guys who think that they are the only ones texting texts this certain girl. and hey ho. that's a flood. or the start of it at least.

and girls. they have this weird WEIRD, and i repeat if you still cant get me. WEIRD thinking that they hurt guys alot. well, yes. many a times, if you know what i'm talking about, it does. just for those who are left blur there, i meant stuff like not replying a text and all. sometimes, girls dont want to. but they do so, cos they feel they might hurt or upset a someone else. point agreed, and consideration taken. but what if they texted, and the guy has this weird emotional rush from within and crazily thinks that a flower is about to bloom from "oh. hello. haha", when all the girl meant was "oh damn. please bore someone else." thing is, guys are born dimwits who cant read more than what's written. and girl's idealogy of a reply is.. well, a mere reply.

so there! dont you see the difference (again :@) in the sexes' mentality, and how it greatly affects uh, everything?

okay fine. SUPER SWEEPING POST which i bet many would be like, EH WTH. but hey, HELLO BLOGGING WORLD :D
i'm back to rant about my daily thoughts and wonders. hm.

MUM'S COMING DOWN . BYE.