this blog has been put on death trial. will only post when there are occasions worth speaking of. other than that, bye.

sometimes i get so fucking angry, and sometimes im just so disappointed. sometimes i'm sorry, sometimes i juz dont bloody hell give a damn. sometimes, i feel wonderful, only to be destroyed when you spew molten words that simply unmaterializes every speck of sanity. sometimes i wonder, what the fuck.


shaun, you know its time. everything has a duration, and its up. forget it.

remind myself,

never to think twice, never to look back. never to ponder, never to question.

NEVER.


bite through my tearing soul, goodbye.


--------------------------------------------

econs is.. wtf.


tadalata. ipra was really really. hope i'll pass. sigh. think so much oso no use. hm.

off cooping myself in this tiny room. maple, death note, foruming, sleep, eat. for now, its fun. sigh, but i'll get bored soon and it'll be terror.

thought i hate huge gashes of blood and swarms of lizards, but my greatest fear is still lonliness, no doubt. the result of being dumped and left alone to rot, hohoho. i'd stab myself a hundred times to get through it a second faster.

plabaaaahhhhh. there's still econs.... shit.


Listen to your heart - DHT.

I know there's something in the wake of your smile
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah
you've built a love but that love falls apart
your little piece of heaven turns too dark

listen to your heart
when he's calling for you
listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
the precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah
they�'e swept away and nothing is what is seems
the feeling of belonging to your dreams

listen to your heart
when he's calling for you
listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

and there are voices
that want to be heard
so much to mention
but you can't find the words
the scent of magic
the beauty that's been
when love was wilder than the wind

listen to your heart
when he's calling for you
listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

Listen to your heart....mm..mmm

I don'tknow where you're going
and I don't know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

------------------------------------------------

dear ghost, lehsmyfit hsooypeno vdreuri scee ld ai.


everybody seem so.. occupied and unavailable.

and i am aimless and have totally nothing to think about except to wonder, why am i so empty.


what is going on. where's my new year's resolution about being occupied and never be bored? argh. freeaaakkk.


it isn't a crime to be sad when ur lonely and forgotten, ain't it? the feeling that i've gone through more than enough times, have never once failed to make me sigh and think(negatively) deep about life. the feeling that i've gone though more than enough times, this sadness, has, however, never grown weaker any bit as time goes by.

-------------------------------------------------------------

birthday parties seem to be the in thing for our class these days. yes, i'm talking about something big and important, but no, it ain't something worth celebrating. then again, this so-called 'birthday party' have a 2nd spelling altogether, namely "masquerade". masks seem to be the word used on some classmates' blogs. it got me thinking, yet again. issues like, "darn, is there anyone who actually doesnt like me but puts up a front? what should i do? how am i gonna find out? what did i do wrong? what am i gonna be of it?"

but even so, i've to admit, i do flex my cheek muscles and eek out a smile occasionally, no matter how unsightly it may look. unfortunately, unwillingly too. to some people more, to some less. however, i do think that i definitely am not the worst. however, this does not mean that there IS a worst. meaning being, i still do tell you that i dont like you if i really dont, or i'm comfortable with you when i am. simply, i treat people the way i want to treat them. there may be others in our class or even our clique that cringes those lies out more often than not, but blame it on my dumbness or insensitivity, i cant notice. then again, you can always say i dont have the guts to say it here. if you feel that way, dont fake it and tell me in the face too(:

however, i feel that, it is pretty much expected and actually, something not as unfortunate as it seems. well, again, there is 2 sides to this coin. yes, being true and wholesome is definitely better for the heart and all, and it surely brings about a better feeling. but then, there's the other side. mainly, in life, everybody IS fake. that is reality, not a hypothesis. by having such going ons now, we will be better and more adept in the future circumstances, where we live in a dog eat dog world. people will all fake their guts out, just to get into the boss's good books, or that rich bachelor's 2nd glance. no one's gonna spill out in front of your prospective paycheck increment that, "oh, i'm saying you're the best employer ever just because i want my 2k salary bonus doubled." that wont happen.

i do get carried away sometimes and blow my top and get frustrated with myself over such issues at times. why does this happen to me. why cant i just get some close friends and hang out with them 24/7. why cant xyz be like abc, who was my best friend is sec sch. that era's over. it was nice, but the fact is that, it wont happen. the cycle repeats, i get pissed off, i calm myself down, cry over and curse, sleep, live life, and it comes again. i really wish for the times then. but, if they really came true, they wouldn't be called wishes. therefore, as much as i hate it, sometimes we all have to just accept it. be it sour lemon or a pinch of salt, as much as we dont like, its something that we have to live with. somethings are beyond our reach, and this is one of it.

finally, i dont like the state our class is in either. shall we?

-----------------------------------------------------------------

then again, i have one too many things to worry again. urgh. time to go off, before my idiotsycratic side consumes my mind.


A great thanks to uncle Randy, and mr Tan.

here this goes.

A Religion of Love.

A two hour long interview with one of the most respectable volunteer Singapore has ever known in his little, humble office yesterday was summarized simply with one sentence- “There is only one religion I believe in, and that is the religion called Love. “

Mr Tiem Fook Tan started off by telling us about himself and his values. At a ripe age of 77, he could very well be the one receiving care at an elderly home. Instead, this cheery guy, who believes that he has a “youthful mind and it is all that matters”, is the one extending a helping hand to whoever in need of aid and support, be it the poor, unfortunate, homeless or ill.

Mr Tan has been active in the volunteering community for more than 40 years, organizing events, donating money and doing everything he can to help make another person’s life better.
Mr Tan won the Singapore Talentime competition 3yrs in a row, from 1962 to 1964, and later in 1971 again. However, upon winning the competition in 1963, he donated the prize money of $20,000 to charity.

To Mr Tan, volunteering and helping out is more of a hobby. Thus, he does voluntary work more than once a week, but has toned down since his age has caught up on him. When asked why he had so much time for volunteerism when the average adult seemed so busy with work, he reasoned, “God gave us each 24hrs a day. If we had 8hrs to work, and 8hrs to sleep, we would have another 8hrs remaining. All we have to do, is to have an hour put aside solely for our loved ones every day. It isn’t too hard, is it?”

Having organized events for the elderly and less fortunate for 21 years and counting, he claims he has never once gotten anything back accept for a certificate of appreciation. Puzzled, we asked why was he still helping out, despite knowing his money spent will never be returned. He chuckled, and said “ When I volunteer, I volunteer unconditionally. I cannot expect them to return me anything, not even a thank you. It is easy to give money because anyone can do it, but not everyone can put in the effort to help and volunteer.”

“Most importantly, before you can spread the love to everyone else, you must know how to love yourself. That is the most important of all. To love yourself, and then your family members, and then friends. Only then, can you love everyone else, whether old or young, rich or poor.”

And with that, he hurried us down to the cafeteria, for a short tea, rice rolls and that invaluable, hearty laughter. All from a stranger, who we met less than a few hours ago, now showering us with care and wanting nothing in return. The Religion of Love indeed reigns all.

copyright, Shaun.


you never were there whenever i was at my lowest. ever.


HELL. my semester's prison term is over.

dvpa was cursed. obviously we have been the most most suayest group of all the batches, current and before and possibly even in the future. everything went wrong. filming, digitizing, storage editing, even saving it into a cd had those imacs hanging. it was hell. every step was to be taken with precaution and slowly.. within a time limit. lol. hm. nvm. at least it is over alr. it din turn out very well, but i dont think it was any bad either. considering the other hellova factors.

but i realised. all the problems probably arised bcos, our film was 11mins long instead of the usual 5mins. (thanks to ms.kwa for accepting it anyway). as such, our film was actually.. 2 times other's films=doing 2x other's film! probably thats why ours required almost 2x the effort to film and digitize/edit, longer time to load and save = more problems arising = SHYT.

LOL. anyway, i still feel our credits rock. hehehe. its the best part of the 11mins film. hahaha.

and and.. to anyone out there. special advertisement here.

Shane Piasecki- Only did it because i missed you

ITS A WONDERFUL SONGGG!! and he's wonderfully nice to give us the rights to use his song for this proj. thankss. hahahaa. go find it if you have the time, myspace. if not, find me and i'll send you. i dont think he'd want it to be uploaded on imeem and free over everywhere. but do give it a listen at myspace. why? juz cos its really nice. lovely.

I woke up,
she was gone
so i grabbed my cigarettes
and put my boots back on
outside the rain fell,
I pulled my coat over my head
A stranger to my skin
A stranger to my bed

I only did it cause I missed you,
It only made me miss you more
Be careful who you lend your lips too
So why the hell did you go and do that for

i love the lyrics, seriously.


okay. wp was... hm. messy's the word. the last part were jus rushing and screaming thru. links got messed and yada yada.

ivp was okay. wrote well. now, all that's left would be newswriting. heh. shall TRY to do it by today or tmr. hahaha.

i only did it because i missed you, but it only made me miss you more.

phew. you know a burden's been lifted off ur back when it has been. you'll know it.

i only did it because i miss you, but it only made me miss you more.


the past week has been so draining for me. i'd sleep anywhere, anytime. on the train from pasir ris, its not even tampines station and i'm off to lala land. totally cant do nothing cos i'd doze off.

but hell. i'm liking the stress. i dont know why. probably not liking but rather, the stress's fun this time round. heheh. i sound psychotic.

probably i'll juz work myself till i fall very sick or maybe, i'd pass out. wheee.

for once, its challenging. one project after another, 2 projects at a go, bring it on. haha!


wiki states-

In the most general sense, a liability is anything that is a hindrance, or puts individuals at a disadvantage.

pain. in. our. arse.(s)


well, how do i say this.

firstly, econs paper is over. surprisingly manageable.

my mum just spent almost $1k on facial sessions and products for me alone. i dont know how to put this. but. on one hand, i feel thankful, but yet, i felt it wasnt really necessary. i'd still go to school, take my exams and live life as it is, with or without a better face. probably id lose some friends who detest my looks and probably will remain single, but, thats about it i guess. i'd still live life as it is, without spending 1k. but anyhow, i really dunno. sigh. honestly, even such things stress me out pretty much, cos i dont know how to react.

then again, this is partly due to the fact that i know for the next few months, my expenditure toll on my mum will increase. why? wakeboarding competition's soon in may, and they are thinking of having 2 practice sessions a week instead of 1. which translates to a lot more fees. sigh. and the dvpa group lost our boom mike pole(yes, the pole alone, only), which is unfortunately not any cheaper than $100 each either. and new year's coming. argh.

financial stress

dvpa proj. to date, we still have scenes not filmed finish. yes, not completed filming. we're the last group, the slowest. we're the only one who lost something. and i personally think we are not doing a fantastic job either. that's what happen when a 5man team, with an additional idiot who not only does nothing, but instead, adds MORE problems to the team, tries to complete a 6man job. how lovely. and i feel sad for ms kwa. she really thought well of us, but we couldnt even do it right.

and then, thr's like millions of other projs like web publishing which isn't easy, and the never ending list of tests and exams, namely econs. such terror and stress. argh. its all a burden.

cope shaun, cope with it, just like everyone else is. bloody hell.

study stress

i so shall not talk about emotional stress. it will totally tear me down when i realise everything is burning to the ground. finding a bestfriend, soulmate is like waiting for the last project to be over. it will never come and there never will be one.

emotional stress

i love my life. i really do. but, if only it isnt how it is now.


new year resolution: to be a less paranoid, over concerned, and easily irritated person. to juz live 2008.. as it is? hm. lets not bother to do anything special. oh well, we dont have much life left do we?

as shikamaru from naruto would have said, 'its too troublesome."

if you shout at me, i shall not bother.
if things go differently from what they should, i shall not panick.
if you treat me well, i hope i'd react. hope.
if you piss me off, thy hope my stare will tell you to stop rather than my words.

argh. i hope to get over the exams, still. whatever exams, whatever. fish off man.


its the new year. the 1st day. its 6pm. i just woke up.

had loads of fun with the mentals yty. corne's hotel unit in the middle of orchard road(izzit swissotel? lol) at the 57th floor and a totally magnificent view of the entire city area with lights cars and people buzzing ard, and the wind was awesommeee, wonderful dinner, vodkaed with hiddie getting so bloody drunk, the black parade, though i missed out alot of it but i caught the starting and the ending, pooled after like, how many months? , and so many more stuffs.

and so, here i am, waking up at 6pm. hm.

the 1st person i thought of when i was screaming my lungs out at the holy hour who wasnt there, was apparently shauna. god knows, she touched down weeks ago, but i guess, we had more contact when she was in aust than here in spore. and we sang aud lang sine, which even more prompted me to think of her. for all those who dont know, its actually a song about old friends who got separated, and are finally rejoined together. sigh, mentals too. such fun. lovely.

okayss. that will be it for now. i'd try to see what i can do for the remaining few hours of today. tatas.