Do you know whats worth fighting for
When its not worth dying for?
Does it take you breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weight out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
Youre in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and I

When youre at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesnt pass
Nothings ever built to last
Youre in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and I
Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire?
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone
When its time to live and let die
And you cant get another try
Something inside this heart has died
Youre in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and I

so true. when do we, should we give up. when do we, should we call it a day, put that full stop to this tragedic sentence of regret. when do we, should we stop clinging on without hope of faith onto this thimble of light, at the very end of an uncertain track? should we ever jack out our diskettes, when the music has softened and slowed to an inaudible tune and pace?

how would we know. when we're so loving someone, someone who we dont see light, we dont hear hope, we dont have the strength to wish for a better tomorrow. all we wish for is a happier daybreak, and to see that smile over and over again. those tender lips, those mesmerising eyes. her beautifully blunt nose, and perfectly freckled cheeks. everything you ever lived for, and anything you would die for. she might be a 5/10, a 3/10 or even beneath the scoring system, but to you. there's no number for her. the way she captivates you is priceless, the moment she smiles is everlasting. her presence is the cure for any good or bad, and she is irreplaceable now and forever. she's queen of your heart, the ace of spades, the trump. she fits you just like that dazzling tie, snug and secure. holding her hands feel as if you've grasp a thornless rose. her hug makes you feel one and complete, as if your bodies were tailor fitted to each other's moulds. every minute around her lifts your spirits to greater heights, and every second with her hides every trench you've ever sunk into. she's the only angel to you, and the only angel you'll ever need and want. flawed flawlessly, life is but secondary, and air is nothing more than a unecessary substance for you to survive, just to catch a glimpse, a whisp of her entirety. surviving on the thought of her is everything but impossible, and well, you love her.

people say sorry's the hardest word to say. nope. thats crap. that's for people who havent had to bid farewell to the ones they love. because, the hardest word to say, is goodbye.

well, i guess that love, for me, for now.


today, i realised why people can get married, but not to the ones they truely love. okay, maybe not realise, but i see 'it' now. i understand. its true, i used to be like, gawking when people tell me or i hear that someone someone didnt marry the one he she really loved. i used to think that, what. how is that even possible. how do you ever sign a life contract, not with and to the one your heart is truely with?

but today is an amazing day. i understood. you may like someone, but you may never be with him or her, for now or for life. and guess what. it's actually fine.

i used to think that love and being together are the same altogether. but no, it isnt. loving someone isnt really about spending time together, and making each other happy. call it warped mentality or whatever intelligently insulting words, but i beg to differ. loving someone sometimes has to be kept in your heart. the only person that should ever know, for the better of mankind and all living things on earth, is yourself. and within yourself, keep it to your heart only. and solely your heart. everything else doesnt matter, and neither do they need to know.

because, thats all that matters. love doesnt involve care, concern, time, effort and what shits. it's just a feeling which you know it, within yourself. it need not be told, it need not be expressed. everything i've said sounds exactly like as if i'm going against all traditions and sparking a war that will split humanity into two, but. its the truth. at some point in time, when people go through certain phases, the blinker goes on, and it all clicks.

maybe i'm right, maybe i'm wrong. maybe this was all a lie, a paragraph of bullshit that is nothing more than an attempt to disrupt your peaceful cycle of thoughts and cause a flick within your circuit. maybe, or maybe not. then again, like love, the truth is deep within me, and its only i who will ever know it.


i just cried. for the first time this year.

http://www.jsonline.com/news/wisconsin/64677772.html

a story of a dad, with his precious littl tots all growing up. and his wife is restriken with cancer. with no choice, he signs on the army for health insurance for his wifey. but at what cost? he'll miss his children's teen years. prom, concerts and all. he wont be there, when his wife really needs him. he doesnt want to go either, but he does it. bravery and love.

just imagine the moment before seeing someone go off, for a long time, when you need them the most. the last kiss, the last hug, the last goodbye. where do one find the strength and courage to weather this storm? how do people with such circumstances, live life every day, knowing an end is just round the next bend, but still face front, making it work?

at a lost of words now. cant really think well how to describe.

then next, watched the video of a father going through the IronMan with his disabled child. at some point, he really looked like his every next step was going to be a fall. how does he do it? where does he find the strength to endure, and persevere that next stride, to push forward and never give up.

simple words, and simpl logic. but its not you and me who can be.

this post doesnt sound like me at all. i feel so weird reading it ;x


end to another chapter. time to close the book, and take a good night's rest.

or, should i go party again? :D *flashes devilish grin*


i'm amazed with myself.

its like carrying out an experimentation on psychology and whatever nutsorts, but on myself, the test subject. then again, i think i'm god. or somewhere close. shall not divulge too much as this is as public as malaysia's toilets.

its all in the fucking mind.

i think i should start being afraid of myself. of how destructive i can be. focus.


your way it will be,
words you want will always come free.

not the best words you might choose,
priceless you are no man's a fool.

beauty within is everlasting,
that smile outside shadows the sun.

happy i am or i would seem,
but deep down you know if its true or dim.

doesnt matter if its real my smile,
cos if its unreal it'll only last awhile.

if you're worthless, then i'm dumb.
for why am i here, without you i feel numb?

wl. poemz failz.


love is but a lie
four letters but a letter short
a drug sweet you cant give up
neither can you play with the flame within

the tower's crashing
pisa's a leaning
whos to say you cant ever love
nobody told you you will get hurt

cries laughter tears and smile
that simple whisper
its more than you think
its only harder as it goes

things money can never buy
truth life and your little love
envy as you and me
we desire for what's never ours

one single step
we think twice
takes more than three
to never look back

afraid to lose
but we play this game
wanting to win, never thinking
consequences are harsh

lost i have, heart and soul
not only that, but you as well
if hangovers kill, and that stab hurts
take your shot at love, cos it beats them both.


Red One
Ciara
Enrique

Enrique Iglesias

go ahead
just leave
can’t hold you, you’re free
you take all these things
if they mean so much to you
I gave you your dreams’
cause you meant the world
so did I deserve to be left here hurt
you think I don’t know
you’re out of control
I ended up finding all of this from my boys
girl you’re stone cold
you say it ain’t so
you already know I’m not attached to material


I give it all up, but I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love,
I’ve given you too much,
but I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love, my love, my love, my love, my love

Ciara

what did I do?
but give love to you
I’m just confused
as I stand here and look at you
from head to feet
all that’s not me
go ahead keep the keys
that’s not what I need from you

you think that you know(I do)
you made yourself cold(oh yeah)
how could you believe them
over me I’m your girl
you’re out of control(so what)
how could you let go(oh yeah)
don’t you know I’m not attached to material

Enrique Iglesias and Ciara

I give it all up, but I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love,
I’ve given you too much,
but I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love, my love, my love

Enrique Iglesias

so all this love, I gave you take it away

Ciara
you think material’s the reason I came

Enrique Iglesias

if I had nothing would u want me to stay?

Ciara

you keep your money take it all away

Enrique Iglesias and Ciara

I give it all up, but I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love,
I’ve given you too much,
but I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love, my love, my love, my love, my love


what do you do, when you realise the other person who loves the person you yourself love, is so much better a person than you are? will i be different, if the situation was different? would i do the same, if it was me? i doubt. so how am i to do?

somehow, i really forgot what i wanted to blog about.

these days, i keep having this imaginary 3D heart thingy in my mind, pounding and all, with nice white ropes tied around it. at the loose end of the ropes (i didnt really picture the other heart in my mind) were knots of various sizes and degrees. some were bigger, complicated ones, while others were just simply a cross-over type. anyway, point is, the ropes represent bonds that everyone have. a simple friendship would be some sort of a nice, neat knot. a happy relationship would be a big knot, but at the same time, simply tied, and pleasant looking. however, those messy situations that you get into with others would result in a oddly shaped, wild and unkempt rounds simply folding against each other, making that the horrible knot. so question is, how do you untie that?

not only is it hard and plain quirky with the rounds being random and totally inconsistent, its a huge knot as well. which practically means it's tough and damn time consuming. and the process of untying a knot is painful - you dont really like pulling strings against your skin do you? hurts.

as a result, some people simply blur their vision, and pretend that there isnt a knot at all. it's only a straight line. that akin to simply ignoring the situation, and going offline status. pretense is a fragile flake of glass. if left alone, it'll survive fine. however, that little pressure could result in instant shattering. devastating.

so what can be done? how do you untie a knot that's warped and kinked, without going through the tedious process of burning you fingertips? you cut it. but a bond is a bond. is it really possible for one to just simply cut a line? if you were to cut at a point in a massive cobweb, only that tiny few inches will dangle lifelessly. dangle, not drop off. there are still millions of other spins clinging on to it, making the bond lifeless, but still present. now, is that better or worse?


human are greedy creatures. our sole purpose in life is to seek happiness, and i swear by that. as to what form of happiness, that differs from person to person. however, we are greedy. even when we are happy, we want more. we are never satisfied. even if the situation is already positive, we hunger for more. and when we dont get what we want, we start blaming. we blame how it could have been. we blame why god didnt give us that chance. on one hand, it is true. to reach a certain height, you need a certain pass. however, should we not be happy, that we at least climbed the moutain, instead of sinking into the depths of the sea? also, who ever said that with a certain pass, you would ever climb higher? the higher it goes, the stakes get bigger. so does the chances of you falling into the ocean. now, isnt this worse than just being a little happy?

okay long post. lots to rant even though its 10am and i just reached home.

forgiving is hard. to me, it really is the ultimate test. how is one able to accept a horrible error done upon you? it is tough. to let go, and to realise that dwelling on it wont help matters. but human nature doesnt allow that. silly emotions like anger, hatred so whatnots are encapsulated within us, waiting for the right time to explode at different degrees. and at such a moment where forginess is needed, the situation usually ticks off the timebomb. at that moment, it is really hard to think calm and resist that urge, and instead, forgive. we have to overcome nature. it's like fighting a tsumani with nothing more than your two feets sprinting to safety.

sometimes i just wished things were simplier. i wished you never liked me. i wished you never had any baggages. i wished you were always happy. i wished you wouldnt be so brim-full of agonies that you shouldnt be punished for. sometimes, i wished i never met you. but i never regretted it, and i only hope for the better, though that seem to be none. i'll just pretend that the oasis of joy i imagined is just that few steps ahead, and cling on to that mirage that serves as my, and only my, reality. i'll just pray that when i wisen up and my vision cleared, i'll no longer be able to take another step. then, i could blame myself for being weak, and not the lack of chance that ended this tale.


was thinking really hard today how to make a certain someone happy. hours passed as i shopped for/bought a new pair of shoes , waited 2hrs and eventually had a hair cut, ate my all-time-fav pastamania's new pasta called cheesy ham crumble or something along that line (its damn good. so says the law, so dont you argue), a cup of bubble tea and so on, but the ideas that came just didnt work. you see, you need to do something special to make a special person feel special. and sadly, some people just arent the type to be easily happy or touched. its like, a simple visit to the work place might get people happy and all, but. some just are NOT affected by it. or a sweet text message. or a movie. or.. you get the idea. to them, its just.. that.

so aku thought really hard.


and i'm so happy i made you happy. it's the best gift ever.


am totally dead tired now. had something to blog about just now, but. neh. shall leave it for another day when i have some energy left in me. the past week's been great, plenty of fun here and there with the batam trip and all. but still, plenty of stuff on my mind. things to do, people to meet up, and so on. and soo many cravings. whee.

and. decided to cut down on unhealthy lifestyles. for one, sleeping late (yes. the irony. it's 4.30 now) it's not gonna be easy peasy, but oh well. a try is better than none, right?

see. that's how much one sentence can change so much.

anyways, drew a tiny timeline. like, 6 days. like, everyday's packed to the max. whee.

back to the point of how tiny things affect big stuffs. people usually dont see those small things. even me myself, i shamefully admit. sometimes, its just so hard to look from another perspective when you're in that certain situation. being caught up and all, and then you'll be like, oh damn, awhile later. so, small stuff affects big stuffs. yup.

okay this is hopelessly pointless cos i'm really tired. veh veh tired. love the world, or the part that loves me. nights to them.