i love my new playlist :D:D:D hehee.

gonna shag my guts out for the next three days. oh well dumdumdedumboohoo.

there's like a million stuff i wanna say, but, as cliche as it sounds, it never comes out right.


i dont know man. i really dont.

when i grow up, when i go out there to work. when whether i live ornot depends solely on myself, my pay is my trump. am i really gonna survive that? am i really gonna live out my life, and say, hell. i've worked the shit outta my life, and this is what i've got. thank god.

when i have kids, am i gonna look back at all the stuff i've been keeping. you know, i'm the kind of person who just cant bear to throw away things people i love give me. am i gonna tell them, when they ask stumbly, but in such innocence and cuteness, daddy, whats that. who gave that to you. and i'll be saying, yeah. i got that from my first love. she gave me this card, these love notes, this present. and i'll look up at my wife, and smile, knowing i have found a perfect woman in my life and i'll definitely still miss the people i used to love.

and when i meet the people i love, will we be different then. rich tai tais, or people scrimping every cent. or most will be just normal people, leading lives with no meaning. some might be lucky to immigrate. how different. and when we look back, at such a time, at now. what will we think. we live our life now, and it will definitely affect our coffee conversation in a decade's time.

its amazing. its crazy. somehow i want it to happen, and it not to. i'm really scared of being poor. im really scared i cant find someone i will love. i really scared i'll make bad company, i'll go broke and hopeless, or go against some big shot and blow every chance i've got.

and then again. all these might not happen. i might lead a boring life. and i'll get over it. ...get over it? its so close to 'its the end'. what will i think then, when i'm all white and pale. when i look back, did i live my life well, what should i have done. why did i do what i did.

its insecurity i guess. people pay to be more secure, but security is priceless.


-----------------------------------------------

started to write a story today. it doesnt take two guesses to know how the tale came about. for now, here. read or not, up to you =)


if you're a girl, you should totally watch thebeautyandthegeek 'cos you'll appreciate the guys around you by a thousand hundred billion times.

if you're a guy, you should totally watch thebeautyandthegeek 'cos.. damn, they're hot and cute, whats there not to like.

but really. its hell'ova funny show. they're all dumb, with the girls literally cutely dumb, and the guys.. they're so lost that its awkwardly hilarious. like wtf, they're really.. ohwell, too many examples.

but seriously, you'll really learn something about the other sex. i guess guys need to listen to girls more, and girls need to know that guys do actually try, whether its to make things better or what, and even if it doesnt show, they tried.

whoopeewhee. badass show. cant get enough of it. do at least try watching ONE episode after reading this. its only 40mins! okay, half would do fine.

and if you dont laugh, or it made your day worst, which is utterly impossible UNLESS you're a geekier geek than them or a bimbotic-ier bimbo than them, you'd prolly get hooked. guaranteed nice.


the beauty and the geek. swear i enjoyed that experience so much. its just, awesome. just shows me how great it is to be able to learn more about another person. guess i miss getting into relationships. hohoho.

and of course, friendships too. you knowwww.


cant find season 1, finished season 2 straight in one seating, and now going for season teh-ree.

off my ass, to bed.


Sum 41 -- With Me

i like it.


i've lived a life
of laughter and horror
filled least with peace
or happiness of the holy choir.

i've reached an age
many call a stage
in life the shots you call
will now bring onthe great downfall.

a lonely soul
on this fateful day
disastered by choices
with countless wrong turns
wrecked my ship, my life and mind
making me dread the days i'll find.

the ones i love
one two and four
those were the days
but all i want is more.

they say its gone
we'll all move on
but what do i do
when i hate what i'm going through.

you cant board my plane
if the ticket hasn't your name
but who's the loser
when there isnt even a queue.

i've not smoked, pierced or tatt-ed
neither have i drank my soul away
but this place where i live
will never see the light and will never be free.

the heart's fondest memories
by the smiles tightest bonds
apart from them, one or two
none knows my heart is true.

our skin may sag
our thoughts may clear
age and time may make us queer
but never my tears for those who're dear.

this phrases suck
i cant get them right
all i'm trying to say
'that i miss them all

who dont know that
even a negative connotation
they might have of me
but still i treasured
and definitely still miss
all that they have given
and shared and kept
the pieces that filled this puzzle
whose outcome god knows
every touch every smile
has been clenched with pride
in this eighteen year old trove
with lock, key and an eleven letter pass
i love you, you know i do.

so far so good
or bad and sad
whichever you prefer
to lie or a facade
but its 2 more to
chapter two point zero.

so welcome to my life
as i sleep through tomorrow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

honestly, it really a emo-ish night tonight. i'm thinking and missing a hell load of people. all i really want to meet up, see them and talk to them. i really miss them alot. i have not talked to anyone i can clique with for a long time. sigh. oh well, mum great idea of SP. what can i say.

i'll cry tonight, because of the people i love.


was listening to big big world, lying around on my revamped bed and staring at the ceiling. and my thoughts began to wander off like a chain, with one issue connected to another.

its like, we're here, alive. whats our purpose, exactly. i mean, we all will die one day. so why do we live our life now? are we looking forward and preparing for the next step? and why do some people die earlier than others? and life, why do things happen like how they do? billions have lived and died, the next million is anytime soon. so whats going to happen? what do we live here for?

our memories. each activity, each person, each encounter, each food we eat, eat thing we buy. they're like a grain of sand, slowly filling up. why? why do we remember? why do we learn?

and 80years. it isnt a long time. at all, really. its FREAKING short, if you still dont get it. limited, restrained, clocked, tight, flash. its really a short time.

hmmm. then the song ended.

was in a more.. low-keyed mood alr.

alas, here i am. and after this, i'm gonna watch the special for 1ltr of tears. you should totally know whats coming.

shakugan no shana II,21. not bad.

tatas, 2hrspecial. me, tissue box, veoh player. check.


they say one good turn deserves another.

i believe in karma.

i'll try to really really be a nice person.

i think that mothers are the god's greatest creation.

i long for a happy family.

i love my sister alot. really.

i love close friends. i'll rather have a close friend than a girlfriend.

i love pets alot. alot. but its a no-no in my house. i get the same feeling as those african kids who wanna study but dont have the opportunity to.

i still wanna play basketball. i still enjoy the game, just that i cant find people to play.

i dont like to drink, club, etc. i prefer relaxing.

happiness ALWAYS > money. i dont like money. sadly, in singapore, happiness = money.

i dislike my face. i honestly think i'm uglier than most people.

i have a very VERY sweet tooth. VERY.

i'm someone who dont mind not having time to myself. i'd get bored cos i usually fail at entertaining myself.

a person's voice attract me more than her looks.

i still take pride in art. alot.

i'd rather love someone than be loved. i want the feeling, not experience being felt.

i miss my neighbour. who i haven talked to since primary 6. i just never had the balls to.

i miss a friend in australia. i haven seen her since primary 6 too, and she doesnt know it either.

seeing people happy actually makes me happier than me being happy. i seriously dont know whats wrong.

i have had 24 ulcers in my mouth together bofore. big ones. after that, i never bothered about the 1 or 2 that appears occasionally cos the pain cant be compared.

i really admire kind people alot, and kinda look up to them. i never know how they do what they do.

i think i'm really insomniac. its been quite some time alr.

i still remember a hongkong drama i watch when i was young. they played big big world when the guy and the girl were in the car and they missed each other and so. i remember crying. i was touched.

i'm almost 20. i still feel young, and its like, i'm.. me. i mean, i'm only so young. i've only lived as much as i remember. its only such a short time, my life. but yet. its 20. i maybe be gone in 20 or 40 years time. hey, i've lived half my life. gosh.


HUH. omgosh wtffffff. i cant believe dan and s din make it in the end. omgoshhhhhhhhhhh. i'm in such a state of depression now thats absolutely new and unheard of to me before. damnn. even though if i put myself into their shoes, i'd prolly wont be able to get over it too, but.. great. they were sweet man.

sigh. gossipgirl. another exciting adventure that spanned the weekend has ended. s.i.g.h.

ix3s.


anyways, i painted my sleeve with an ambigram of my name, had some crazy moments wakeboarding and a nice maffees dinner. pics arent loading, so. hell.

next time.


gossipgirl is the sex.

the people are amazing honest though, in the show. what goes into one's ear will never fail to come out of their mouths after a promise of keeping it shut. but hell, that's when the party's started.

its awesome, friendships that only exist for, well, nothing. lies that twist the truth, truths that wished were lies, the parents-image thing (tell me about this), relationships starting and breaking into shreds dating back to a nonexistant era, everybody having had sex with their partner's bestfriend, and how family breaks up and get mended in the most facinating manner.

and i love that s and dan couple. yeap, he may not be the blue blooded prince or have that ton-heavy wallet, but damn. he's downright the coolest guy ever. and s, well, let's just put that she's sweet and i love her character. i mean, the character's character.

if only there was a girl like her in life. i dont really mind with half the hotness, but same fullness in character in a must. she likes him for who she is, ignorance and all, his attempts at situations, and. ah. she's just really a wonder-g friend. and! her voice. its the nicest voice ever. ever. ever. oh, damnnn. snap.


and. their.. uhm. how do i say this. their choice of song for every episode's ending is so good its almost impossible.

sigh. i'm amazed how neither by butt nor the chair is giving way nor fizzling out since they've been stuck together for a full round the clock.

next episode, for now.
xoxo, gossipgirl.


*breathes in*

i'm only gonna say this once and once only not because i dont know what to say or how i feel or even better why i feel like this cos it feels so i dont even know the right word to describe it but somehow it is what it is and it think its great and i need to say it no matter what.

phew.

ilovegossipgirl.


BYE. you totally din hear that.




damn, i still needa doublepop properly for wboarding. sucks.


apparently, i'm pretty stressed out over.. well, nothing. as of yet, at least. i wanna get a fish, but i'm not sure if my parent even allow me to have a tank. talk about running before learning to walk. sigh.

and, its not as easy as it seems. shipping will cost almost 500, the exporter's side paperworks and stuff will cost a 100, the side over at singapore's paperworks and checks another 500 plus. then, you need to find a certified importer who has the liscence to get it over. that's the administrative side. so whats all these for? the fish. only that.. the fish, its expected to cost somewhere between 400 to 800, itself.

start counting. its only simple addition.

and the end of the day, i dont even know if i can get a tank. sigh.


stress lah. i somehow like the fish, abit. :/



the sum might seem small to you people who spends thousands by the week and dont even flinch, but. hey i dont work, mind you. its all my last year's savings.

oh well, back to drafting the report to be presented to my parents to convince them to allow me to get the tank, and conversing to that exporter about payment methods and paperworks.


the urge is back. temptation. lustful thoughts. totally makes my mind go in whirls of excitement and dizzyness.

i've sent an email to an american importer to inquire about a fish! goddamnnn. hope he responds and the deal will succeed. just praying it will remain under the 600 budget i set for myself, but i have a strong feeling it'll reach 750-800.

damnn. if not, i shall get a terrapin. its 300US yo. hehe. cant wait.

gosh. i cant believe i can get so excited over legal pets. for the past 17yrs, have only known that the legal ones were boring. finally found some fun ones. :D:D:D

i tell you. looking and reading forums from people overseas where, lets not talk about boas and pythons, but even venomous snakes are allowed, the depression i'm suffering from is really driving me to hougang hospital.

hohoho. cant wait. needa try to get another tank. my dad just threw away my old one and he, being the loser, is apparently against buying of tanks, fish, pets.. uhm, wait. he's against everything. everything i want.


an albino lungfish, here i come :D

i'm gonna write a formal report-proposal to my parents. show them how committed i'll be. humph. egg-citing.


The author of The Teenage Textbook (1988) - Adrian Tan, was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.

Life and How to Survive It

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It's a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you've already won her heart, you don't need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You're done learning.

You've probably been told the big lie that 'Learning is a lifelong process' and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters' degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don't you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they're wrong.

The bad news is that you don't need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You're in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I'm here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There's very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you'll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they're 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn't meet their life expectancy.I'm here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it's calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don't need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life's a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don't expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term 'Karoshi', which means death from overwork. That's the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there's nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There's a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are 'making a living'. No, they're not. They're dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan 'Arbeit macht frei' was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn't do that, I would've been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction - probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don't imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I'll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don't, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I'm not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.It's not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it's often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one's own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.I didn't say 'be loved'. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one's looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work - the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don't, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

You're going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there's no life expectancy.


naruto is still the best imo, with bleach second. i just finished a title called shakugan no shana, and its really good, but not as good as naruto. however, the last episode is a total WIN. those few seconds probably gave me verification for the other hours i spent watching. u'd prolly needa watch the entire 24 episodes to know, but [well, i took only 2days to finish it :x] its worth it. and the last episode was really, breathtaking. damn.

Shakugan no Shana.


oh andand. dark knight blew me away. damn, abit late but. for the 2hrs, i was still etched right at the heart of it, and for that 2hrs, i was totally inclusive of the show. phew.

sigh. and now i feel the usually "post 'experience' cognitive dissonance". haha, fine. no such term. but in MY dictionary, it is the feeling you get when you've finished a video/movie/drama/etc experience, and feel sad about it ending and like, since u know it has ended, that amazing feeling and journey you've just been through has ended permanently, making it impossible to replicate. ever.

lols. gonna figure out a ma-shaun-low hiararchy of emotions or whatever craps. wheeee.


this seems like the diary of anne frank. just that i'm not dead, and i dont think i'm anywhere near it. and that's sad.

if you thought anne frank led such a sad life, let me tell you something. at least she had things to write to fill one or two hundred pages. be it killings, deaths and runnings and hidings, it beats being bored to the bone.

then again, maybe not. death seems scary. but its not. its the thought of losing everything we already have, everything we took time and effort to built, and the impossibilty of saying or doing anything after that certain time. the moment of death isnt, its what we make out before death of the time after death that's freakish.

did you catch that? if not, read it again. it wasnt the usual crap.


damnnnned.

i wanna find a job. i wanna ask my neighbour if she has a job to introduce, or if she wanna find a job together. but damn, its been 6years since we've talked. we were pri schoolers then, you know. innocent, cute, hilarious and silly times. so, to the point, i haven dared to ask.

it breaks the heart when i hear things like that. i should really know when to stop acting like a puss. close the book, damnit. end the god damn chapter. find a new book, you ass. find, end, close.

being nice sucks afterall. it's soooo unrewarding. either that this is spore, or am just unlucky. being nice is chickenshits.

the heart is the the most complex-ly stupid organ ever. it gives us life, but yet steals our very soul and shreds our mind. talk about being mindfucked. being heartfucked should be like a zillion times worse. thank scrappy coco there isnt such a thing.

oh. and and. i neve thought i'll ever like vivalavida, that overplayed song. i was actually sniding it at first, with the mv looking horribly disgusting [he looks like he thinks that he looks as if he can fly], and the song being, uh. idk any description atm. but out of an evil dl-ing spree i had last night, i zapped a copy of it. and goodlordgraciousmeloandbeholdhollymamacowandchickenandcaptainobvious, i played it once. then twice. then a third.

its now at the top of my playlist on repeat mode.


oh well. such a senseless post. blogs are such an ironical irony. you're supposed to crap your worst shit out here for your eyes truely only, and yet. its done via the only way things can never be confidential, the web. what the egg is going on in this nightmare.