been listening to 'first of may' for.. hmm. lets calculate. 3days = 72hrs = 72x60mins =4320. each song is ard 3mins. so.. 4320/3 equals... 1440 =) thats the number of times my lappie has been playing this song. hahahaha. OLIVIA!! i ur tehh numbberr ONEE faNz w00RhzX. lols. whatever. haha.

hm. so yup. went ard blog hopping. quite long time since the last time i did that. haha.

i totally want fir's song he's playing now lah. wth. omg. i totally wanted to cry. really just break down.

and then, of all, the song ends with this,

Sorry didn't mean to call you but I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak, couldn't even hide it
And so I surrendered, just to hear your voice.

those were the exact words i wanted to say to my ex before all was lost. it was on the steps. opposite her house. behind a bus stop. in front of closed shops, i wept my first tear over the relationship. but i din noe how to put my feelings into words. everything came out wrong. the times i called, and got into trouble. this is, the reason why. i was weak. i was inferior. i was, the worst. i dont even know what i was anymore, or how it went and why. maybe you were the jerk, but no matter how, even if you were the jerk, i still loved you. maybe dumping me in the face was a nice decision from you. you decided to end it harshly so i'd forget everything. but i'm sorry my dear, i've not forgotten anything about you. i loved you, even when you gave up on me. i was there, even after we broke up and u needed someone to just accompany you through the tough times. i gave my heart, like i've never did before. the purest of pain, ouch.

i was there for you, forever. even when you weren't there for me.


i really feel like dying. forgive me one and all if i do something stupid. my life is really, i'm depressed. why? because i cant move on, and i never will. t'is a curse upon me, from the day i parted with the girl who i ever loved in my life. nothing can replace the memory.

the only one. i dont know what to do, at all.

and now, i'm crying, reckless, and uncontrolable. the pain i feel within, urgh. its hurting so badly, i wish i'd just lose my memory.

viva, give me back my fantasy.

i'm sry. if i was cold, now and the future, i dont mean it. i'm sorry. its my, our, best way out. i cant move on.

lols. you shld be happy to even get ur cd back ;)