i dont think i'm enjoying the life i'm having now. dont know, probably its all due to all those early morning wake ups thats draining my energy away. sigh.

today was fine. IVP, issue and viewpoints, was fine. the teacher's much like ms june wee. haha. as the same kind wan lah. hm. and the module's interesting.

ipra, or as i call it, iBra, semms okay too. as in the lecturers lah. he seem, hmmm. okay nvm. shall not comment on him anyways.

rajan. he's hell. he's like super strict but 10x hilarious. and he's very strict on punctuality. sighs. 8am tmr somemore sia. wth. pray i'd reach EARLY. not on time, EARLY.


sigh. my life. its in shreds, in bit and pieces, its a disaster. i have just seemed to lost it all. all the enthusiasm, all the extra energy that will make me wanna find out more and do more. its all just lost. i hate my hair. totally. i really HATE IT. seriously, dont try me about my hair. i'm really disappointed. and, ah. i dunno. i'm tired. and i dunno who to talk to. i really dont. some stuff are really so personal, i'm clueless who is the right person to share with, to speak to. its so simple, yet so hard. i feel, low. when i see others, i dont feel like facing them. i know how horrible my face is, and i hate to show my hair. what is there left to face any other people? its irritating. why is my life turing out to be as such? what good will this turn out to be? i din ask for any of this, my dear god.

so why.

today in the morning it rained really heavily. its one of the heaviest i've seen for a sudden downpour. and so, i walked out of the house, as i knew a route that would lead me to the bus stop, sheltered all the way. i walked, until i saw a flaw in my route. there was this 2 houses where the corners had water dripping. and due to the intensity of the rain, water wasnt dripping. it was gushing. so i just stood there, helpless. it was a mere 3m, but it would definitely get me soaked. so i stood there for a min or so, since i alredy knew by then that i would be late. and lo and behold, a sweet girl in sch uniform with such a lovely smile and an even nicer heart suddenly walked the same way i did and stood next to me and turned to me, and ask " you wanna cross?" i smiled and made up with a "ya". and so, we stood a little nearer and walked together, across the rain and to the other block. i dont know why, but even before we crossed finish, i moved out of the umbrella, and got drenched a little. okay, half of me was wet. and she just walked off without turning after we reached the other block. it was alright anyway, since i was stunned at the moment to thank her or whatever. so i walked, the same way she did. alas, she was meeting her friend, as i saw from a few metres away. and it seems pretty clearly she was telling her friend about the incident. haha. such a lovely moment, i swear i'd give her my number if she asked at that very moment. if lah, stupid thinking though. and so i walked off, without turning and looking back. if i saw her again, i think i wun mind getting to know her. but oh wells, lala. guess in such times where i have no interest in looking for any girl whatsoever, she's one of the rare few who i'd like to get to know.

see. such an incident might have have a positive impact on others, but somehow, for reasons unknown to me, i feel negative about it. its like, how long since i felt touched, i felt cared for, and that i want to repay that kind act and know someone else better. its rare, these days. but i just missed it. by a fair mile. there's nothing i can do. and i know how i look, so i'd rather not put her through the horror of knowing that any better. its painful. i dont like it.

i really dont like it.