its like. i'm even lonely on saturdays and sundays. how bad can that get. these 2 days are usually the most busy days of any week for anybody, but yet. for me. all i can think of is to be at home for these 2 days. doing nothing at all.

why?
my sec sch frens had their promos. they just ended though. and now, our school starts. great.
my sister is having her PSLE. and i want her to study. how the hell.
my poly people. they're life is so filled with activities that its just, impossible.

who else? no one.

and my sec school friends. when they meet up, all they ever do is to dinner, lan, pool. god damn, i do ALL of these everyday if i want to. and thats why i'm hesitant abt meeting them. cant we just do something for a change? is lan that fun? we meet up like once in a million years, only to face the computer? argh. i'd prefer we sit around and just chat about life. its so much better. siigh. blame it all on the singapore, wait no. blame it on the PAP's jc's education system. where students are brainwashed that the usage of computer is holy and exclusive. why? because studying doesnt happen on the computer for them.

my sister. she studies, but it doesnt seem as hard as me and my bro did. i really hope she'll get some decent results. really. ive been giving her rewards and stuff for all her work. jellybeans. chocs. cooking lunches. teaching her. i really hope she'll just make it well. sigh. after all, she's what i'm living for. without her, i'd hv fallen off my ledge months ago. all i want to do is to see her thru her studies. when she's all grown up and all, i think my time would be over. till then, sigh.

and my poly people. such fun we have when we're out tghtr. but when we arent around one another, life really begins to dull seriously. its not like when in sec sch, even when we're physically apart, we would still msg out of nothing and chat. now, we only msg to inform of outings and what nots. its different, and i dont think id get that kind of love from friends ever again.

and thats my life for you, one and all. i really wish to do something stupid. something that would ruin my life, something ive never done before. not ending it, but something, really drastic. something, that would injection life into the dead me. right now, i'll just go to sch, without learning anything new or useful, knowing not any more people that i already do, laughing not more that i already am, only feeling more sad than i currently am. why. why does it happen to me. W . H . Y . and then, i come home, sleep, and off to sch for tmr. its not called life anymore, its call routine. its called a system, a structure, a set peice.