sometimes, it doesnt take an impactful incident or occurance to change one's decision.

sometimes, the way we adapt towards isnt just how we exactly want it to be.

sometimes, it just happens. a split second, a whole difference.


in life, we have to give up on alot of things. everyday, decisions are made. its morning, and should i wear this or that. should i eat a decent lunch or just any takeaway.

and many times, we live with the consequences. a wasted trip, an extra dollar spent.

but, no matter how bad this is, it is still definitely worse than being left hanging in the middle, unable to make a decision as to whether the left turn is better than the right, the green apple is better than the red.

we choose, and knowingly, it isn't the choice we want, the choice we prefer. but despite that, we also know that some choices arent meant to be, and will never be.

trying to sneak past defences and into an area of indefinite, the insensibilty of opting for things that never were, only lands you up in dispair and shame.

the fear of being taunted and discriminated, the egoistic nature of us all, never wanting to be looked down upon or be thrown a rejection, eventually will make us fall for the 2nd choice, the inferior and unwanted, but yet assuringly safe option. and as time goes by, we try to comfort ourselves that it has been the right decision, by only avoiding it.

then again. what do i know. its just some useless thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

skipped school today. stayed at home. let boredom get the better of me. killed myself 10 times over. whatelse?

iswak2, which is tka(they kiss again), makes xiangqin irritating again.

finished up on naruto/bleach.


haven studied. motivation lost.



i suddenly forgot how to interact with humans. staying in this empty house with people who dont seem family can really make one go insade and wish he had the balls to bite his own tongue to ease any psychological pain.

sucks.