its 3am in the morning. and the emo bug creeps in. thinking bout everything i can think of that has happened in my life, recently, or those long lost majors.

playing on shuffle my ipod.
band songs. lovely. those times where every beat counted.
wait for you. reminds me of last year. how everything's changed. i think of east coast, the wind, the roads on the park.
then it was obviously. secondary school days. when this song played on my handphone. bus journeys. my thoughts were filled then. at least more than now. in my school uniform.
amazed. how things fly by. age and time.
Inside your heaven. jais, band people came to mind. biny, clique. everybody. days filled with schedules and activities.
100 years. 15yrs old is never too late. youth. i'm 18 already. guess i'm old. still remember hearing this song when i was soo much closer to 15. gosh.
listen to your heart. the time where i was lost and really did not know what was right. i was sad, afraid. somehow. alone. when i lied to myself that this world was a nice place. to tell good bye. and whether the fight was actually worthwhile.
true colours. the craze. in sec sch. the love we had. i thought her voice was angelic. i thought the words had meaning. i thought it was life. i now realise it isnt quite. hah. foolish.
dont matter. the crazy over this song. those times when i actually spent effort thinking if there was meaning in the lyrics. amazing.
face down. you know who you are.


i feel lost now as i have felt many times. however, this time i do know how lost i am. i'm able to gauge and know its limit. although i still cant find the way out, but. at least. i know more. its growing. its teaching. i hope it ends.
somehow, i feel that i wont love again. i dont see how love will ever happen again. i mean, i will almost never have that sort of feeling, the sort, where by. i'd do anything. cos simply, i want to. i can get with people and stuff. but, how do i ever replicate that golden moment. its like an infinite code. i wonder, and the only way i'll ever find out is to keep failing and maybe try once. but i doubt. i know its the only way, but i also know its something i will never do.

because of you
i never strayed too far from the sidewalk, i learn how to play on the safe side so i wont get hurt, i try my hardest just to forget everything, i dont know how to let anyone else in, i'm ashame of my life because its empty, i'm afraid, i find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me;

who am i.