getting ready for work tmr. hohoho.

prepared all the little stuffs like file and intro letter and such. wonder how it's all gonna be. pray its nice, good. hope.

anyway, back to my main point of coming here, as i have for the past few posts in order to get words across.

i guess we're either not suitable, or i've been living my own dream all these while. probably, it's even fated. yes, i love you, as i always have. i havent swayed all these while. i've accepted everything you threw at me, whether i like or detest, and i grow to understand that i have to.. well, understand. you never showed me love, you never showed me that you care, even when you know that these 2 things are the most important to me. you never bothered to remember things, even though you know i'll get highly frustrated when you dont. and when i do, you simply either not care or think i'm making a big fuss over nothing. again. i've shut my eyes and swallowed that because i loved you. you never comforted me, never gave me a hug, never thought that i, or anything in my life, was a big deal. you just treated me as someone random, who you just happen to talk to a little more. maybe, that's what i really am.

i always believe when you say, that if you didnt care, you would have done so and so. but now, thinking back, you would have done it, no matter what. so, arent those just excuses. you have never done anything to make me smile, you have never supported me, you have never agreed with me, you have never smiled to make me smile, you have never done anything special because you care, you have never initiated anything, you have never questioned if i was fine when i'm not, you have never made any effort in salvaging any situation, you have never bothered when we quarrel, you have never told me things i wanna know. you never made me felt like a guy.

it's really hard to come to this. maybe it might be a momentarily thing, maybe not. but as of now, i am letting you know of the very thoughts on my mind at this point in time, where i'm online, and you never bothered to talk to me. i texted, and you never replied. i wont ask you to think about it anymore, because i know, it's useless. you will have a rebuttal to everything i say. you will never say sorry, you will never admit your mistake. you will never seek to mend the situation, you will simply treat as if your mistake never happened.

there. i've typed for almost half an hour. you never even bothered to contact me in any way. you've just proven my point. and when you see this, you'll prolly think, oh what the heck. he'll be okay. he will get over it and text me. i think for this once, i wont even reply if you text. but then again, will you bother? surprise me.