i really really, really really wanna blog. i wanna say out everything that's couped up within me. i have so much, i'm nearly bursting. i wanna type on and on, and never think stop to check, hey my punctuation isnt right, i missed an s here or there. i wanna just rant everything out, and all i want. is someone to just sit there, and listen to me. no replies, just listen and nod. and smile.

smile. yes just smile. why? to me, when i'm sad, and i see another person smiling caringly, it feels as if that person's lifting half your burden off you. i feel better. it's as if they're saying, yes shaun, i'm here for you. and as i go on telling everything's on my heart.

i cant stand it. how can anyone be normal when the person they love most is in such misery. i cant. i always wanted to say, cant you just fucking wake up. cant you just fucking get over? cant you just fucking leave it as it is. and fuck you. dont treat me like a stranger. i'm closer to you than most of your friends. and what the fuck do you treat me. i mean, how the fuck? like an bloody tissue paper. wipe, and throw. taken out only when needed. fuck you. i'm there for you, and what do you do? treat me like shit. when you're unhappy, you give me one word replies. when you are in a fuck care mood, you dont answer, dont give two hoots if i bothered, or even if i died. when you're sad, i'll travel anywhere and you'd just treat me colder than the wall. fuck. you know what. if i were selfish, i'd just leave it as non-close friends. i'd bet you'd treat me better that way. you'd most prolly say, yeah. then go ahead. do you see how fucked up that is. do you even bother about our friendship? no. a fucking big fat no. have you ever thought who was always there for you? fuck you for taking me for granted. now you just said you wished that he would just show you that you just mattered, even abit to him.

NOW DO YOU FUCKING KNOW HOW I FEEL ALL THESE WHILE??????!!!!!!!!!!
HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU THIS EXACT SENTENCE. AND WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR REPLY? NEEDY. FUCK YOU. I'M NOT NEEDY. YOU ARE JUST FUCKING COLD. I'M NORMAL. I'M HUMAN. I NEED YOU TO FUCKING SHOW THAT YOU BOTHER. DIDNT YOU SAY, YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART CAN ALR. DONT NEED TO EXPRESS? SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING HIM? ISNT IT THE SAME BLOODY LOGIC?

SHIT YOU. FUCK YOU.

i really wanna give you a fucking tight slap. to just wake the shit out of you. one day when i cant take it again, i'll leave for good. and only then, you'll see. and at that moment, no. i wont come back. i wont say, okay poor thing. i wont listen to you rant. i wont hear your apologies.

FUCK OFF. some people only get a chance in their lives. i've given you more than a tonne per gram. you abuse you. you're blinded. you take it for grant. you dont give a shit. fuck fuck fuck.